#رسالة_لربي

ربِ الرحيم الغفور،
إني اسألك مغفرتك وعطفك، فأنا مليئة بالذنوب، رغم محاولاتي الدائمة في ان اكون مسلمةً افضل مما انا عليه اليوم، فأنا لازلت اقصر في عبادتي، ارجو ان تغفرلي وتدلني على الطريق المستقيم، فقلبي لا زال على ملَتِكَ وينبض ايمانًا بمُلتك.
قال بعض البشر ان من لا يشكر الناس لا يشكر الله، انا دائمة الشكر للناس، لعبادك. اود ان اشكرك على نعَمِكَ عليّ،
اشكركَ يا الله لانك خلقتني من صلبِ رجلٍ يقدس العلم، وعلمني ان اسعى في طلبِ العلم فأكون ممن هم يبنوا في أرضك وابتعد عن درب من هم يهدمون فالارض من جهلهم.
واشكرك لانك اخرجتني من رحم امرأةٍ صلبة، تتحدى العالم لتثبت بأن المرأة كرمها الاسلام، امرأةٍ علمتني بأني لستُ عارًا بل انا فردًا من افراد هذا العالم.
اشكرك يا الله على اخوتي، فبعدك انت، اعلم بأني بأمانٍ دائما، لا اخشى المستقبل بمفاجآته.
اشكرك على صديقاتي، الاتي هن سبب رجوعي الى طريقك عندما افشل في السير على نهجك، هنّ سبب قوتي وثباتي امام هذا العالم.
اشكرك يا الله على الاشخاص اللذين ترسلهم في طريقي، فمن كل شخصٍ اتعلم ومن كل فرد منهم اكبر واصبح اكثر تمسكًا فيكَ وثقةً بإيماني.
انا لا أملك في هذه الدنيا إلاك، فنحن زائلون، اما انت ربِ فأنت الوارث الواحد، انت السميع العليم، وانت اعلم بخفايا قلبي الدفينة، تعلم بإنكساراتي خيباتي، انت شهدت دمعاتي المستورة عن خلقك، تلك التي اخفيها بإبتساماتي وضحكاتي المتعالية.
ربي المعطي،
إني لا اسألك طريقًا سهلًا بل اني اسألك ان تساعدني بأن يصبح داخلي بقوة خارجي، ثبت خطواتي في طريقي الوعر.
ربي الكريم،
إني اسألك ان تطهر قلبي و روحي، وأسألك يا الله بأن تهديني سبل السلام وتبث في قلبي السلام، ربي اسألك ان تعاملني بما انت اهلًا به وليس ما انا اهلًا به فأنت ارحم علّي من قلبِ امي.
واخيرًا، ربي التواب،
اغفرلي عدم اتقاني لِ لغةِ كتابِك، ولركاكة رسالتي.

❞ من باب إعطاء كل ذي حقٍ حقه، فكرة هذي الرسالة كانت من سلسه تويتات كتبتها @Maria_mzh “اضغطوا على اسمها وتحصلوا التويتات” كانت مسويه مدونه رمضانية بإسم رسالة لربي، ومن حبي لفكرتها طبقتها بطريقتي.
واحب اقول اني ما سويت مراجعة للي كتبته من اي نوع عشان ما يفقد جودته واصالته وشكرًا. ❝

If We Love..

The rope is tight
There is the note
Best one I ever wrote,
A masterpiece, I would say
The 10th draft
Stood on a chair
Took a long look at myself,
A final look,
My dress is perfect
Yellow, the color of hope
Fixed my hair
Checked my lipstick
Everything had to be perfect
I put on the rope,
Smiled,
and pushed away the chair.

 

** This poem was inspired by a short movie I found earlier called “If we love“.

Yellow

If you know me, you’d know that my favourite colour is yellow. The colour yellow represents sunshine, hope, happiness and to some it represents positivity, optimism or even joy; it is a happy colour after all.  But to me, the colors started to get mixed with my anxiety, it started to feel sad, because the color yellow remind me of you, when I see yellow, especially when I am feeling mellow, I start to wonder, you used to tell me that you loved to listen to my voice notes, do you still love that? do I still pop into your mind like you still pop in mine? do you still love that I gave you your nickname? or does happy love songs reminds you of me? and do I still give you strength? do I make you feel good at your worst times? and do you still love my honesty?

Once you told me, no,  you wrote to me on a yellow piece of paper that you loved it when I told you secrets, well these are my secrets. I do wonder am I still your everything? do you still feel my existence? and do I make you proud of me? do you still love my skinny neck? because I sure don’t.

Another thing you told me, again on a yellow paper; you said to me that you loved the fact that I never used your mistakes against you, sadly I did. you loved the fact that I trust you, unfortunately, I didn’t. you said that you loved the fact that I get jealous, but did you? did you really? you said that you loved the fact that I believed in you where after a while I stopped believing in you, in me, in us. you did say that you loved that I am always on your side, and I am on your side. on the same yellow paper, you said that you loved that I still loved you, and I do, forever and always.

If you are still wondering, yellow is no longer my favourite colour.

Things I believed as a child

I think we all have these strange beliefs as kids that we either came up with yourself or are lies that we were told either from other kids or ADULTS to make us behave or whatever. So without further ado here we go:

  • If I was laying down and someone walked over my and didn’t walk back, I won’t grow any taller.
  • If I managed to pop a mole (beauty mark) anywhere in my body, I’d turn into a monkey.
  • If I lied about fasting or cheated during the holy month of Ramadan, I’d get a nasty mole in the middle of my forehead on the first day of Eid.
  • You can’t watch cartoons at night because all the characters are asleep.
  • Sitting too close to the Tv, I’d go BLIND.
  • Carrots would make me far-sighted.
  • If I didn’t sleep and started to make a fuss, the two headed cow would come to me.
  • Swallowing the seeds of fruits, a tree would grow in my belly.
  • Swallowing gum would stay in my belly for 7 seven years.
  • If you left a shoe upside down, it’s like you’re being rude to God.
  • They used to have a little birdy that told them all my secrets, little did I know that it didn’t exist.
  • When we went out at night, THE MOON FOLLOWED ME.
  • I used to believe that any song with my name on, sang to me here are the top 2:
    1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLJA-srM_yM
    2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbZPnYK8fcw
  • Don’t put perfume on your hair because your hair would turn WHITE.
  • Don’t pluck a white hair, because if you did your whole hair would turn WHITE.
  • When teeth fell, I should bury it otherwise my new teeth won’t grow perfectly.
  • I used to believe that every continent was on a different planet.

And the biggest lie of them all, AFTER HIGHSCHOOL LIFE, GETS EASIER!! Sorry to break it up to you IT DOES NOT!!!!!!!!!

Please tell me the lies you were told as a child or beliefs that used to believe either in the comments below or mention them to me on Twitter.

HOW DO I RELATE TO FRIENDS.

My love for Friends is no secret, I simply love it and my twitter followers probably know that I live for friends. I love this show so much I’ve probably seen it 100 times, I watch the whole series from season 1 till 10 once a year and throughout the year I actually spend it watching small clips of the series on YouTube.

Nevertheless, I am not going to talk about the reasons why I love Friends but I wanted to say how and why I relate to them on a personal level. So without a further ado, here I go.

Rachel:

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I don’t really relate to the fact that Rachel was 100% dependent on her parents, but I do relate to the fact that she left everything behind her to start fresh to a life that she likes, she cut off all recourses from her father and rebuilt herself. I love the fact that she is loving and filled with passion.

Monica:

Monica-Geller-on-Being-Tough

So I won’t say that I am obsessed with cleaning, but I like things as I left them, I seriously hate it when anyone moves my stuff. Also, I am a loud person and I think I share Monica’s tendency to boss people around me, especially my brothers.

Phoebe:

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Phoebe is probably the most relatable cast of them all, I mean her weird fashion sense and her weirdness which I feel is me totally her brutal honesty that sometimes is mistaken as jokes, I have been struggling that for a while. I want to say her pure heart but mine is anything but pure Lol…

Joey:

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I relate to Joey’s pursue to fulfill his dream of being an actor and how although he didn’t hit his breaking role, he still was trying and never doubting himself as an actor. Also, I relate to the fact that he is slow to understand things and finally I too do not like to share food as we know JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!

Chandler:

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I use sarcasm and humor when I feel uncomfortable as a self-defense mechanism the same as him. Also, Chandler makes sure that he is there for his friends in any way possible, as he supported Joey’s career from day one till he was able to make it. Another way I relate to Chandler is the fact that he left his office job that wasn’t satisfying him and made him feel bored to start a new career in advertising which more of his field and more into his comfort zone which showed courage.

Ross:

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Ross is passionate about his career and about his family, He somehow represents me because he is clumsy and socially awkward and how hard he tried to hide that which is something I do. Ross is childish sometimes and I don’t need to explain how childish I am also his anger issues TOTALLY ME!! However, although I am not a parent but to me, Ross is my parenting goal, his love for his children and the effort he makes for this is simply amazing and I wish I as a parent would be like that.

 

Disclaimer: I originally started thinking about this after I had a conversation with Zainab about friends and how we relate to them in real life.

Favorite books

Hi, my Name is Noor and I am addicted to books, I love books, in any type or shape, they bring me happiness and joy and trust me I am not exaggerating!!! I think I love my books a little way too much if you consider checking up on them every once in a while and making sure that my hands are clean before I touch them and my strict policy of NO FOOD OR DRINKS NEAR THEM but who can blame me? They are my “Precious”.

My love for books developed with my early love of stories, you see when I was 14, I used to go into internet forums to read the stories people write and I used to enjoy them a lot, that’s also around the time I started writing, well tried to if I am being honest here. Anyways, around the age of 15, I read the first book, I didn’t exactly purchase the book, but we were on a long bus ride and my mom bought a magazine and it had the book with it. It was the first book I ever read, it is called Vince and Joy by Lisa Jewell, I was a teenager with my first love story and I got so hooked, the book is still one of my favorite books I must have read it more than 10 times since then, I like rereading it which explains why my copy is in poor conditions. Since owning that book I started being a book hoarder, I get more books than I can possibly read since I occasionally reread books but then again I am so weak in front of the scent of a new book.

Here are few of my favorite books:

  • The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

I am so in love with this book, I can simply say that it changed the way I am and how I think. The moment I ended the book I felt that the world just went silent like I just wanted to pause and notice everything about this world and find the signs, I didn’t know what signs but I wanted to find them! Reading this books makes you evaluate your priorities and your life, I totally would recommend it to people.

 

  • The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

First thing first, this books is why I love letters hands down. Secondly, the reason I would recommend the book because how Charlie “the main character” is basically writing letters to this anonymous friend which makes the reader somehow feels that the letters are addressed to him/her which is a smart way to get the reader interested in the story. Another thing I love about this book is the mentions of other books and the tapes that Charlie makes which somehow makes us connect with him, I remember listening to the playlists while reading. I loved seeing his character develop and sort of finds its self. The good news here, if you’re not into book and reading, the movie is great also.

  • 40 rules of love by Elif Shafak

First thing you need to know about this book is that this is not the typical love story, not the boy meets girls type of love but it talks about the journey that Shams of Tabriz takes to find his what I’d like to call a soulmate because the type of friendship he had with Jalaluddin Rumi is greater than to be called friendship.

This book took me on a spiritual journey and made me question my beliefs, it was as if I started reading the book and my mind was like a thousand pages’ book and when I finished reading, it all went blank, as if I was reborn and was given a new chance a new beginning.

This story talks about the small things in life that are sometimes we neglect but somehow it gives it more depth, it talks about forgiveness, love, redemption, remorse, religion and other aspects.

  • Diamond Dust by Murad Ahmed

First of all, I got to say that this was my first Arabic book and I really hesitated to read it because it was written in the Egyptian dialect. However my hesitation was not at its place, the book turned out to be very good, it’s a crime thriller story that didn’t bore me not even for a second.

I connected politics with the social life in a way that was smooth and not complicated, the author used an easy language, so that you didn’t need to be aware of a certain vocabulary group to understand what is going on, also the deaths in the story were not ugly and not repeated exactly which made it exciting. The reason I’d recommend this book simply because I am so proud that an Arab author managed to write a story that is so cinematic, it’s Hollywood material.

  • Vince and Joy by Lisa Jewell

This was the first book I ever read but I already talked about my history with it in my introduction.

What I loved about this book, is the simple idea of soulmates and how even if you were separated from your soulmate, eventually you’ll find your way back to each other. I know it sounds cheesy but I can’t but love it, I loved it when I was 15 and now at 23, I am still in love with it.

 

These are few of the books that I love, let me know the books that you love and any book recommendations are always welcomed.

ذِكرى؟

في رحلة البحث عن ذاتي، صادفتك وانا إمرأةٌ لا أؤمن بالصدف، اشركتُكَ رحلتي وانا التي لا اثق بالبشر عادةً، عشِقتُك حتى الهِيام وانا على يقين بأن الحُب ما هو الا إسطورة ذُكِرت في قصص شهرزاد لشهريار.

الرابعه و الواحد والثلاثونَ صباحًا في الثامن والعشرون من حُزيران، وفي منتصف قصةٍ كنت تحكيها، لا اذكرها تمامًا انما اذكر ما حدث بعدها، تنهيدةٍ طويلة. بينما كنتُ أُفكر في قصتِك داهمتني بإعترافٍ استطيع ان اقول بأنهُ غيّر حياتي؛ أخبرتني بأنك تُحبني. حقيقةً لم أُصدقك و ضحكتُ شفقةً فأنت لا تعلم ما تقول. كُنت تعلمُ عني ما يكفي لِتكون على يقين بأني لستُ قابلة لأن أُحَب. رُغمَ اني كُنتُ أحبُك، ولازِلتُ أحبك ولا اعتقد بأنني استطيع ان اُحِبَ احدًا مثلما أحببتك، رغم ذلك، رفعت هاتفي وكتبتُ لك: تُصبحُ على خير. كم كنتُ جبانة، وتائة!

اتذكرُ كيف تجاهلتك يومان متتاليان، كيف كنت “مشغولةً طيلة الوقت؟” لم اعلم كيف اتعامل معك، فكيف لي ان اخبرك بأني هائمةً بِك وأنا التي اسمعتُكَ اسطوانات عدم ايماني بالحب، وخيباتٍ سابقه. حلفت لي بأنك مختلف، غباءًا مني، صدقتك.
سئمت كتابتك، وغزلك الفارغ، وغيرتك القاتلة. حبي لك لم يعنِ ملكيّتك لي، فأنا مُلكٌ لنفسي، لم اُخلق لأعيش تحت جناحِ رجل، خلقت لأُكمله وأسنده.

تصريحُك المخيف، جعلني اسافر عبر الزمان، تحديدًا الى الماضِ، الى ذات نهارٍ اشتمهُ بين الناس، واقدسُه في قلبي، اليوم الذي خُلق من كلمات الأغنيات، ليصبح سببًا لعشقي للفن والغِناء. ذاك اليوم حادثتني، رغم ان محور حديثنا كان يدور حول المسلسلات الكرتونيه وحُبنا لها، ورغم انني لا اعلم من تكون، وجدت نفسي اميل لك.

هذه الذكرى، لا اعلم هل هي سعيدة ام حزينة.
قصتنا لم تغدو سوى ماضٍ اتركهُ لنفسي، لا احبُ التحدث عنه، فهوّ مُلكي أنا و أخشى حديثي عنهُ مع الآخرين أنْ يُدنّسهٍ، فأنا يا عزي سهلة التأثر، لذا اصبحتَ ذكرى جميلة في دفتر ذكرياتي، لا انكر بأني اتناسى الاجزاء المؤلمة، لأبقي قصتنا طاهرة، كطهر حبي لك، لم اقل حُبنا لأني يا عزيزي بعد سنواتٍ من انتهاء قصتنا، اصبحت اشك في نواياك. اتعلم، لم اشعر بالإهانه قط مثلما شعرت بها معك، وكم اتمنى أن تعلم بما أشعر، ولكن لو عادَ بي الزمن إلى الوراء، لن أُغيّر بهِ شيء.

لم اتخيل ان يومًا كهذا سيأتي قريبًا، ولكن اريد ان اخبرك، بأنك كُنتَ على حق، لا اعلم ما كانت نواياك، ولكن كل ما حذرتني منه تحقق، لم اسمع لك، ولستُ نادمةً فقط اتمنى لو اني اخذت تحذيراتك على محمل الجِد، كنت سأتفادى عقباتٍ كثيرة في حياتي، لذا يجب عليّ ان اعتذر.

إني اسِفةً جدًا.
اتمنى لك حياةً سعيدة حيثُ كنت.

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