Yellow

If you know me, you’d know that my favourite colour is yellow. The colour yellow represents sunshine, hope, happiness and to some it represents positivity, optimism or even joy; it is a happy colour after all.  But to me, the colors started to get mixed with my anxiety, it started to feel sad, because the color yellow remind me of you, when I see yellow, especially when I am feeling mellow, I start to wonder, you used to tell me that you loved to listen to my voice notes, do you still love that? do I still pop into your mind like you still pop in mine? do you still love that I gave you your nickname? or does happy love songs reminds you of me? and do I still give you strength? do I make you feel good at your worst times? and do you still love my honesty?

Once you told me, no,  you wrote to me on a yellow piece of paper that you loved it when I told you secrets, well these are my secrets. I do wonder am I still your everything? do you still feel my existence? and do I make you proud of me? do you still love my skinny neck? because I sure don’t.

Another thing you told me, again on a yellow paper; you said to me that you loved the fact that I never used your mistakes against you, sadly I did. you loved the fact that I trust you, unfortunately, I didn’t. you said that you loved the fact that I get jealous, but did you? did you really? you said that you loved the fact that I believed in you where after a while I stopped believing in you, in me, in us. you did say that you loved that I am always on your side, and I am on your side. on the same yellow paper, you said that you loved that I still loved you, and I do, forever and always.

If you are still wondering, yellow is no longer my favourite colour.